My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just
finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear
clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll
*give* you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you
*look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA -
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a
tornado swept through your room."
My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;
would you listen then?"
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you
once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you
into this world, and I can take you out."
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions
of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do!"
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