Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and
their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have
been heard or reported:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this
airplane..."
Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the
seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane
till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the
flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes
over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on
a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments
because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."
From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To
operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just
like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it
over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one
you love more.
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have
them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money,
more than Southwest Airlines."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left
behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight
attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are
thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault,
it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"
Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please
remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies
and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought
the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way
through the wreckage to the terminal.
Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for
flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through
the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
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