AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new
element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does
have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called
morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every
reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take
over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown
that the atomic mass usually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at
points, such as governmental agencies, large corporations, and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed
and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any
productive reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be
controlled to prevent irreversible damage, butresults to date are not promising.
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