M&M's: The Theory of Evolution
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue
the strength and robustness of the candy as a species.
To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,I apply pressure,
squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is
the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to
go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that
the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of
competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be
a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra
strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its
environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I
pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of
Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card
reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
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