Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
A1: Corduroy.
A2: Velcro.
Q. Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.
Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
A: She answer the iron.
Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?
A: They called back.
Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
A: Her dog was blind too.
Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. she needs the other to moan with.
Q. How did she burn her fingers?
A. Reading the waffle iron
Q. What did she do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.
Q. How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
A. She was wearing mittens
Q. Why does she wear skin tight pants?
A. So you can read her lips
Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
A. You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.
Q. Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
A. Wind it up and it walks into walls.
Q. What's this (slowly waving fingers)?
A. Helen Keller moaning
Q: Who is the cruelest man in the world?
A: The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't
scream for help.
Q: How come Helen Keller can't have kids??
A: Because she's DEAD!
Q. How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
A. Trying to read a stucco wall.
Q: What did HK's parent's do to punish her?
A1: Rearranged the furniture
A2: Left the plunger in the toilet bowl
A3: Put Saran Wrap on the toilet.
A4: Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner
A5: Washed her hands out with soap
A6: Gave her bird-seed to read.
A7: Glued doorknobs to the walls
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A1: She's a woman.
A2: She's dead.
Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm in the car?
A: Trying to read stop signs.
Q: How did HK get poke marks on her face?
A: Learning to eat with a fork.
Q: What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book?
A: "Around the block in 80 Days"
Q: Define true love.
A: Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.
Q: How did Helen Keller drive her car?
A: One hand on the wheel; The other on the road.
Q: How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
A: On a blind date!
Q: How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.
Q: How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class?
A: They made her wear mittens.
Q: Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?
A: So she could always find him.
Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
A: from whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear
Q: How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out?
A: She shouted histerically.
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No Dogs Allowed
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says
"You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye
dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his
drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You
can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man
graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says
"Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so.
They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies
"What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
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