From the Book of Microsoft
And LO! The Lord of the OS did come down among His sheep and He did sayeth, Thou Shalt Pay Bill Gates, and he will deleverith unto you my product.
I am Win95, your GUI. Thou shalt not have false GUI's on machines before me.
And the Lord said, "16 bit applications are evil! I am sorry I ever created them. I shall destroy them all and start over. Thou shalt all buy new computers."
And the prophet Intel came forward and said, "But Lord, what about backwards compatibility? What about the tribes of 8086 and 80286 and 80386?" And Lo! the Lord became angry and said, "Compatibility is irrelevant. You will be assimilated."
And the consumers gathered around Bill Gates and the tower of Microsoft, and they asked, "Prophet, how much must we spend on salvation? Seven times our investment?" And Bill Gates turned to the crowd and he said unto them, "Nay, consumers, you must not spend seven times your investment, but rather seventy times seven times your investment. Only then shall you be saved."
And the consumers did as they were told. But the product did not work, and they grew angry, and they cried out to the Lord, "Lord, we have done as you asked, but the product does not work! Our machines, they run slow! Our applications, they do not run." And the Lord said unto them, "I tell you this, it is easier for Alice Cooper to enter the gates of heaven than for a Pentium to run Windows95."
And as the masses came forward, I saw inscribed upon their heads W95, the Number of the Bill.
And the Prophet Bill, for that is who it must have been, he raised his right hand, and broke the first seal, saying, "Behold, the seal of Microsoft. By the breaking of this seal you are bound unto whatever the contract within may say." And as the seal was broken, all the great empires around the world were set upon with famine and floods and swarms of bugs like never seen before and great anguish befell them all. And lo, the Prophet Bill held up the scroll and said, "Behold, the second seal! I shall not break it today, but rather I shalt break it soon, like perhaps next week, or maybe the week thereafter. Thou shalt wait expectantly for its breaking, shalt not produce any other work until that time shall come."
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