Hello class,
Today's lesson is all about how to be an engineer.
1. Become pasty faced. Engineers need to look like they haven't seen
the sun
in a while, hence popular engineering schools like MTU.
2. Commit your entire vocaubulary to the learning of terminology, that way,
even if you are a complete dumbass, you sound like you know what the
fuck
you are talking about. (yeah i think the CPU probably is overtaxed
because
of the new unix v 3.1 system that they are trying to run wysiwyg
when it
really is mean for a microprocessor.)
3. Become a total dork
4. Realize that personal skills are not important at all, hygene and
general
friendliness do not matter as long as you can make the numbers dance to
your tune.
5. Carry on endless E-mail relationships with people you have never met.
6. Stress, stress stress, even if it is only first week.
7. Forget about having a life, the computer lab is your family support
group,
your HP (whup calculator, for you non-technical feebs) is your
girlfriend.
8. If you must have a life, make it as lame as possible.. discussing very
loudly exactly what "Magic - the Reckoning" cards are in your possession
may help.
9. Don't ever actually admit to wanting to be and engineer, say things
like,
"Well, the money's good." or "Yeah, my dad's and engineer".
10. Hate your work so much that you will devote endless amounts of time to
writing things as insipid as this.
11. Subvert anything resembling a normal sex-drive by eating, studying,
or just pulling the pud, 'cause, shit man you're not getting any at a
school like this!
12. Do your best to belittle any non-engineering profession. Terms like
bean-counter, art-fag, and pencil-pusher should help.
13. Consider cooking, household chores, and home-improvement to be models
of more complex, non-linearly variable systems instead of just "whistling
while you work".
14. Purchase a daily planner and schedule activities such as inter-personal
communication(via e-mail of course), parties and excretion. If you
don't have time in your schedule... don't do them.
15. Hook a caffiene IV up to your body at night, so even if you got sleep,
you'll look like you pulled another all-nighter.
16. Learn to mimic Indian (shouldn't be a problem), Turkish, and Chinese
accents to bond quickly with your professors.
17. Do your best to close your mind to any non-familiar ideas or
"alternative
living BS". Justify your opinions by reminding dissenters just how many
tax-brackets above them you are.
18. Use the phrase, "We only did as we were told", whenever confronted by
intelligent criticism.
19. If male, act superior whenever a female is present and comment on the
shape of her butt when she leaves. If female, act superior whenever a
male is present and comment on the shape of his gut when he leaves.
20. When in doubt, whine!
|
